I tested today

I couldn't wait. Remember what I said about being impatient? Well, it was a very very faint positive. I am 11 days past trigger, so all the HCG from that should be out. However, I am still reserving most excitement until my actual testing date, which is the 26th. I am obviously going to test every day until then though!!

I had thought of so many ways to tell Brad, but when it came down to it what I said was, "Is this a line?? Do you see a line??" So romantic :P Anyways, anything can still happen so I am not getting to attached to this idea and I am not telling anyone IRL about it but I am quietly happy :)

8 days past IUI

I'm not sure that time could move slower if it were standing still. I feel like it is hard just to get through each day. I am trying so so hard to wait until Saturday to test because I know anything before that will be a negative and that will break my heart. It's still hard to suppress the urge though. I don't know why. I hate it when I can't be rational.

My bloating is much much better today. Yesterday it was terrible but I feel like it is starting to subside. Yesterday it was uncomfortable just to walk, but today it feels much better. I am still bloated though. The cramping has also gone away. I have felt a brief tingle in my utering area a couple of times today, but I am not reading into that because I may have imagined it. My boobs are still sore, but getting better. While I am glad that I am not as uncomfortable as I had been, I am also worried that this means that it didn't work. I am hoping that it just means that my body has normalized a little to the progesterone.

Speaking of progesterone, I went in this morning for a progesterone draw. I'm still waiting to hear about that but I am hoping for a nice high number. God, I need to just know if I am pregnant or not. I'm even boring myself with this whining. I'm not going to post again until Saturday so as not to bore you with the overanalyzing of every small thing going on in my reproductive system...

Well, 5dpiui

That's right, 5 days past IUI. For those of you counting, I am considering the first iui to be the "past iui date" because I am really impatient and this makes it seem like time is moving faster. I am dying here in the 2ww though. This is the first "real" one I've had. I have had 2ww's before, but it turned out that I had ever ovulated so I never even stood a chance. Well, I have my progesterone check on Weds. but I am pretty sure I ovulated. Tons of weird things have been going on in my abdomen lately. I think I ovulated the night between IUI #1 and #2 because I went to sleep feeling very aware of my left ovary (which had all of the follies that would have released) and woke up with a lot less pressure there but more bloating. My RE said that I would be bloated for at least a week. I don't mind so long as the bloat is actually taking me somewhere.

I have been really bloated since about 2 days past trigger and I continue to be so bloated that I can't sleep well. I have also been really tired lately, which I am guessing is from the progesterone supplements. Each night I go to bed earlier and earlier and this weekend I slept about 12 hours each night. My nipples are also crazy sore. I have never had sore boobs, ever. This sucks mainlybecuase I am a stomach sleeper. And then there's the cramping that began last night and is in full force today. I am not kidding when I say that I have gone to the bathroom expecting AF to show up only to find nothing. Of course I am glad to not see AF but I don't know what this cramping is all about. I thought implantation occurred 7-10DPO but some people have said that it could be implantation cramping, and these are pregnant ladies so now I don't know. That just seems so early to me, but of course I would be so happy if that were it. I am just hoping that AF stays away. I am planning on testing Sat. morning at 10/11 dpiui. I know that's a little early, but like I said, I'm impatient!

Groundhog Day

Another day, another IUI. Our numbers were still great today at 80 million. I am feeling super-bloated now though. Before, I was feeling some crampiness in my left ovary. Last night I must have ovulated because I don't feel anything in my ovary anymore but it is more of a cramping in my abdomen. I hope this goes away soon, but I am not optomistic. I think I will feel like crap for the rest of the week. Hopefully I will get my BFP and it will be worth it!! Now just 2 weeks until I can test. Piece of cake right? :P

I am inseminated!

I had my first IUI this morning. I was so afraid, based on my horrible and painful HSG experience. Well, let me just say that it was nothing! I didn't even feel a thing, it was less than a pap!! When I went in the nurse told me that I had a great sample to work with. Apparantly Brad's numbers were 92 million post-wash! She also said that motility was a 4 (their highest grade) and that almost nobody gets a 4! She said that he won the "stud muffin of the day" award :P My RE said that I would be feeling bloated this week, so I should be prepared for that, but he was really optomistic based on the numbers and my lining.

I had to trigger last night in a weird place. I had a sub-q trigger and I was supposed to do it at 8 p.m. Well, I was also involved in a study group beginning at 8 p.m. so there was a little conflict. So right before it started I went to the bathroom and was in the stall mixing up my drugs, it felt very shady...

So my second IUI is tomorrow and then we just wait. That's gonna be hard...

Freaking out a little.

Tonight is the night of my trigger. I did not get cancelled! I am beyond thrilled. Somehow, when I went in today I had 6 follies at 13mm on the right. I had like 10 follies at 13mm on the left but I also had 2 big beautiful ladies. One at 18mm and one at 21mm. I had to wait for my bloodwork to come back, but I got the call and I am a go for tonight's trigger!! I have no idea what my E2 level was but I don't even care!

I am a little excited and a lot nervous. This is really happening, and I can't believe it. I am so happy but scared. I am scared that it won't work, but at the same time I am scared that it will work. I've wanted this for so long, and I got so used to getting nowhere with my treatments that I didn't even really think about this moment. This may be my last day as a non-pregnant woman. Even though we've tried for over 18 months, I always felt that I wasn't ovulating so this is going to be the first time I've ovulated in that time and the first time I might truely and honestly get pregnant. Wow...

I've gone rogue

I think my cycle is about to be canceled. I had an E2 yesterday of 632 but was optimistic because of my 3 good lookin follicles. Well, when I went in today I had 6 measurables. One at 11 and one at 12 on the right and 3 at 13 and one at 14 in the left. My RE said (and I know) that we'd in the "danger zone" for a cancelled cycle since there are so many close together. My E2 level was 910. I have to step down my dose and go back tomorrow. I am almost positive they will cancel me. I know that anything can happen (and that's especially true with my body) but I am not getting my hopes up. I just don't see how a few will be able to grow to trigger size and yet the other won't grow at all (which is what I need to happen). In an ideal world most of my left side follies would grow and the right would stay just where they are, but again, I am not sure how that's possible. I was explaining to my mom that I might have to cancel since I would ovulate too many and she said "Well can't they just stop a few of them." Uhm, no. Clearly she didn't have any trouble with pregnancy. She did offer me her ovaries, but I think that's a little weird!

So here's where I have decided to take matters into my own hands. I am taking slightly less than the 50IU the RE told me to take. Not a lot less, but 50IU just seems like too much given my situation and I figure I'm throwing money down the drain at this point anyways, so why not? I'm totally a rebel.

I did pretty well with Mother's Day but it definitely helped that my mom and I celebrated yesterday when I was riding the wave of good news. Today I picked strawberries in a strawberry field and it was completely silent except for the sound of an Asian man playing a pan flute (Weird? Yes.). It was so relaxing and a great way to clear the mind. And now my kitchen smells like wonderfully ripe strawberries :)

Naturally

I am so excited to see that people actually read my blog, and thank you to those that have commented!

So, I had another ultrasound today and much to my joy and surprise, I had 3 measurable follies! I had 2 on the left (where did those come from?!) at 12 and one on the right at 11 (this is my "little engine that could" follie that has been trying to grow since the beginning). So I finally left the RE's office not in tears. But, naturally, it couldn't be all good news... About 4 hours after I left I got the call that my E2 level was over 600 (can't remember the exact number) to which I respond, "Wow! That's good right?!" Well, of course it wasn't. The nurse said that it was a little high. So, I am back down to 75 IU tonight and then I have to go back tomorrow.

I am not super worried or disappointed yet. I figure, if it really was way too high they would have reduced the dose even further. However, I also know that my RE is worried that some of the other follies might catch up and he doesn't want that to happen since he'll only trigger with 3 mature. So, I am hoping tomorrow that I will see some growth in the three that I had today and no others growing. Fingers crossed!

Today is a new day

Here's what I posted on thebump.com yesterday:

"I generally have very very stong feelings about allowing myself to be bitter, angry and sad about IF. I have cried about IF less than a handful of times and I don't generally let myself get angry or jealous when other people in my life get pregnant, etc. I feel like life is too short to feel that miserable all of the time. However, I am setting aside today and today only to feel all of those things.
I went to my u/s this morning for a follie check. It was my 2nd one after the first found no development. Well, today again there was no development. After 8 days of stims (and they had increased my dose). The RE kept saying it will work and normally I try to be optimistic, but not today. Some girls have been here so much longer than I have and have gone through so many more treatments, and I have to be honest, I have no idea how they do it. I refuse to be the person that is sad and defeated all of the time but I can't imagine how I can keep up being happy and positive when all I get is blow after blow. So I am hoping that allowing myself a day to feel this way will help me snap out of it tomorrow. The annoying thing is that my office doesn't have a door so I can't even cry in private!"

But, today is a new day! I do feel better today. I am happy again, even though in the back of my head I'm still not sure how this cycle will go. I did get a slight bit of good news late yesterday from my RE. They said that my E2 had increased from 55 to 100. So, I am responding in some way. My husband was like, "Wow, that's really high! That's great!" but then I had to explain to him that no, that wasn't high since each mature follie should produce an E2 level of 200 and that I would like to have an E2 around 600 to 800. He's so funny I know he feels like he's walking around in the dark without a flashlight on this stuff.

So I increased my Follistim to 100 IU and I'll go back on Sat. for another check. Let me tell you, these checks are getting expensive at $70 a pop. It's really adding up and given that I am amongst the cheapest humans in history, it's like a stab to the heart every time I check-out. I know it will be worth it but some days I just feel like I'm being ripped off.

I also think that my emotions were already on high yesterday. A good friend of mine committed suicide on Halloween of 2007. She left my house and went home to kill herself and I was the last person to see her alive. I felt a lot of guilt about not knowing that something was wrong when I had just spent the whole night with her. But I honestly didn't, she was talking about how she was going to move in with her boyfriend and how she thought he was "the one". Anyways, I still have a lot of feelings surrounding her death and May 5th was her birthday and so I've had her on my mind a lot recently and it's got me a little edgy... But like I said, I'm moving on today and I am going to enjoy the things that I do have in my life and I am not going to focus on what I don't have.

By the way, has anyone else noticed how many typos I have in my posts? I should learn the art of proofreading before hitting the "Publish Post" button...

First Follie Check Update

So, I had my first follie check on Sunday morning and it didn't go as well as I had hoped. I had one follie on the right that looked like it was *trying* to take the lead but was still only 8mm after 5 days of stims. The rest on both sides were unmeasurable. I am bummed. However, I'm still trying really hard to be positive. At least one is trying to advance right? Plus, I was so worried about overstimming, but obviously that's not my problem, at least right now. For the more science-y readers, my E2 at the baseline was 39 and on SUnday it was 55, not as high as they'd like to see. So they increased my dose to 75IU and I'll go back on Weds. for another check-up. My lining was great though, it was a triple stripe, grade 1 at 8mm already.

Brad went with me to the u/s and he was so funny after we left. He said that the only follie that he could see was the 8mm and I explained that about 18mm was mature. His response was "Oh my God, that's huge!! I thought the 8mm already looked really big!" He also said that "Triple Stripe" sounds like a beer. Men...

Fish

Thundercats are goooooooooooooo!

I did my first Follistim shot last night. I did it in my leg and it was no problem. I am trying to send encouraging vibes to my ovaries, but not too encouraging since I don't want too many eggs. So I am sending some pretty mixed messages I guess. :) I have my first appointment Sunday at 8:15 (which, by the way, is a time that I haven't seen on a Sunday in years...not exaggerating). I am not sure where I'm supposed to be by then so I guess we'll just see how it goes. So far no s/e or anything.

Starting Follistim tonight!

I am finally starting with 50ius of Follistim tonight! I don't know why I'm so excited but I am. I am just trying to be positive. I know that this is about to sound hokey, but I have also been trying to use "the secret" for this cycle. I am thinking only that I know this will work, and hoping that putting those positive vibes into the universe will do something. My feeling is that, I am not sure that it will work, but it sure can't hurt!

I had my CD3 ultrasound today. I had no cysts (yay!) and my lining was exactly where it should be. I had 15 antral follies on the left side and 12 antral follies on the right. I am not sure what that really means, so I am going to do some research on it today.

My first follie check will be on Sunday and I don't even know what I am supposed to hope for. I guess I just hope that I have 2 follies that are taking the lead. My RE is super-conservative so he'll cancel with too many, but I am also super-conservative so I won't do the IUI with more than 3. 2 would be ideal, but I'll take what I can get. Fingers crossed!

And, we're off!

This cycle is officially underway. I got AF yesterday and am going to my RE's office tomorrow morning to do a quick check and as long as everything looks good I will start my Follistim tomorrow evening! I am just hoping that I don't have any large cysts. I have never had a large one, usually just very small ones, and they didn't enlarge when I was taking Clomid, which can enlarge cysts, so I think I am in the clear (knock on wood). Every time I think about this cycle my heart starts pounding. I am so nervous and excited. I think deep down I knew that my past Clomid cycles weren't going to work. I never got too excited about them. I really hope that this cycle is our winner.

I had such a vivid dream about having a baby last night. The dream was actually about breast feeding, which was a little strange. In my dream I was just sitting there breast feeding a newborn and thinking how easy breastfeeding was going. I don't consider myself to be intuitive but here's to hoping!

It's really happening!!

So, I have great news! I got a call from my insurance company yesterday telling me that they are going to cover my meds! Then I got a call from my specialty pharmacy telling me that they were going to ship them. So, when I get home from work my meds should be there waiting for me on the doorstep. I can't wait!! Doesn't that sound silly? I never thought I'd be so excited to stick needles into my skin.

I hesitate to speculate on timing since I always jinx it, but I might as well! I usually get AF 2-3 days after stopping provera and I have tonight and tomorrow left on that. So I am guessing that I will start stims on CD 3 which should be on April 27th or 28th. Hopefully I won't ruin it by posting that! I have no idea how long I will stim for, but I am guessing not less than 7 days, maybe longer. I know the goal is slow and steady and I am totally fine with that...

Different perspectives...

I was thinking yesterday that I've never even considered the possibility that this IUI won't work. I have considered the possibility that I would overstim and not even make it to the IUI and I have accepted that. However, I sort of just figured that if we make it to the IUI I will definitely get pregnant. There's no reason for me to think that there are any egg quality problems (in fact, woment with PCOS usually have very good quality, they just do't ovulate them) since I am young, I'm a nonsmoker, vegetarian, and I excercise well...not regularly but every once in a while :) There are no male factor issues, I tell Brad often that he has rockstar sperm. So I just always assumed that if I could ovulate I would just get pregnant. I was telling Brad this last ngiht and he assumed the exact opposite. He said that he assumed that this wouldn't work and that it was just a formality for us to do before IVF. I thought that was interesting since we hadn't really talked about it. So, I may either be very disappointed or Brad my be very surprised. Let's hope it's the latter.

One bit of good news I received today is that my Follistim and HCG might be covered by insurance. I am scared to be too optimistic, so I won't get my hopes up but it looks like they were tentaively approved. I have been operating off of the assumption that they wouldn't be approved, so I am pretty surprised and happy. I will know in a few days whether they are or not and what my co-pay will be but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Also, I went to a birthday dinner for a friend with a 9 month old, the same age our baby would be if we had gotten pregnant right away. In fact, there were 2 babies there. I was surprised by how little it bothered my. In fact, I held them both (which would make the 3rd and 4th times that I have ever held a baby in my life) and it went relatively smoothly. I think I am colored by my optimism over this cycle. I hope it doesn't let me down!! I should be starting stims in a little over a week!

Well that was quick

I swear the fastest way to completely change my plans, is to post them in my blog! I was doing some more research yesterday and found that there were several women who didn't have their IUIs until CD 17 or even into CD 20 or longer. Well that freaked me out because I didn't leave enough time in the original plan to stim for that long before vacation. So Brad and I decided that we'd better get this show on the road. I called my nurse and I will be starting Provera tonight. I will go in for an injectible class on Thursday and I will start my stims right around the end of the month. If I stim quickly I could have the IUI as early as May 8th-ish or I could have it much later depending on how I respond. Whatever happens I just hope that I dont' over-respond, since that is the main concern with me. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. I wish I could stop being such a planner, I make myself crazy. But, I am so excited to be moving forward!

One week...

One more week and I can finally start the provera to get AF going. Once I start that I will consider the cycle officially underway. I can't wait! I am feeling so positive that this is going to work, but I am also trying not to get my hopes up. Even if it doesn't work, it will be nice just to ovulate for once! I have been thinking a lot about getting pregnant and I am so excited but I am also a bit terrified. I know that this is what I have wanted for a long time but the idea of giving birth and then parenting a child is so scary to me. I haven't always had the best luck with having good role models in my life, and I am a little scared that I won't be able to live up to my own expectations...I know that this is normal and that this will pass. I also know that I am putting the cart before the horse, so to speak, since I am not even starting to cycle, but the closer I get the more the thoughts are creeping in. By this time next month I will be anxiously awaiting my IUI. If I am neurotic now I can't even imagine how I will act then! Poor Brad...

Bleh...

...is how I feel today. The Met is kicking my ass, but thanks to some good advice from a Met pro, I have started splitting up my pills (one with lunch and one right before bed) and that has been a huge help! I also started a new position at work doing traffic court stuff. Not only is it not glamorous in any way, it's exhausting! I have court every single day and at times twice per day. I get about a million calls a day too. And the paperwork, oh the papers!!!! I am not huge on change when it requires me to go out of my comfort zone so I am not locing this transition. That said, I only have to do it for a few months and then things will settle down once I get back to my old position.

Also, my little brother informed me that he is getting married in late September. It is great, I am so happy for him! He is getting married in Ohio so I am planning on making the trip up. The one little snag is that my father will be there (I assume) and I haven't talked to him in 14 years. I don't feel like having any sort of discussion with him or anything so I am scared that it will escalate and I will have to leave but I have 5 months to figure it all out...

On the IF front, nothing to report...I'm still just killing time until I can actually do something on 4/20 :/

I finally have concrete news!

I mean, as concrete as things ever seem to get for me. I spoke with my nurse today and she said that I was good to start Provera whenever I'm ready, I just need to come in for bloodwork the day before I want to start it. So, I am trying to work around DH's work travel schedule, and am planning on going in on 4/20 and starting the Provera 4/21. Then I will begin Follistim and have an HcG shot to trigger. The nurse is going to call in the meds for me so that my insurance can begin the pre-approval process. I am so so excited because I have real information now. I feel like something is officially happening, which is great because ever since my father in law found out that DH and I are trying and having IF problems he is always asking us if we have news and what's going on. I have seriously never seen a grown man so interested in female reproduction :) My sister in law told me that after he found out that we were trying he was so excited that it was all he talked about that night. I really hope that we get PG sometime soon because I can't wait to see the look on his face. Plus, there's my mother, who has specially requested that the baby share her birthday...sure mom, no problem, let me just talk to my ovaries about that. All in all I am glad that we have parents to support us, I think it would be too difficult without them.

So anyways, that's what's going on right now...hopefully insurance approves my meds. If there's anything I've learned from IF, it's that insurance companies suck.

Oh yeah and an update about my NCAA brackets. This is how well I did, my final four were Wake Forest, Pitt, UNC, and Memphis with Pitt and Memphis in the finals and Memphis winning. Well, Wake lost in the first round and Memphis was the next to fall, then Pitt. UNC was still in last I checked but I think its pretty safe to say that I didn't win the pool :)

Need a change

I'm not sure what kind of change (baby??) but I feel like I am stuck in a rut. I spend so much time "killing time" instead of enjoying it. I just feel like everythign has become so routine and boring. I guess that's part of being an adult. I am really looking forward to my vacation so hopefully I'll be able to snap out of it once I am on that plane.

I took my 2 pugs for a walk last night. We went 30 minutes at a VERY leisurely pace and you would have thought that I had just made them run a marathon! I seriously thought that one of the pugs, LaFawnduh, wasn't going to make it. I thought I might have to carry her! We did make it home but they both passed out. I know pugs aren't athletic dogs, but seriously, this was sad. I guess I'll have to get my own workout at the gym since its clear that those bitches aren't going to help me. :)

A random string of junk

This post is mostly mental junk. I have started metformin again, which is making me sick. I take 750 mg at night with dinner. It is extended release which is both a good and bad thing I think. I don't get as sick all at once but I end up feeling crappy after dinner and through most of the next morning. By lunch I feel great. It is an endless cycle and I get about 5-6 hours per day of feeling good. I am getting worn down with it. Also, obviously my ideal schedule isn't going to work out. So now my plan is to try to time it so that my IUI is done the week before I leave for vacation. That way most of my 2ww will be on a cruise and we may have something to celebrate. And if its a BFN, then I will really need to drink!!

On a completely unrelated note, I did my first b-ball brackets ever today. I am in good shape so far (knock on wood). I have Wake Forest, Purdue, North Carolina and Memphis in my final four (I think). I have Memphis winning so I am keeping my fingers crossed!!!

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

I feel like that's all I do!! I am currently waiting for my AMH results (I don't know exactly what this is but it's a blood test that indicates fertility and can correlate to PCOS). Then I will wait for them to call in my Metformin (which is a diabetic drug that regulates insulin. My insulin is fine but my RE said that there is some evidence to suggest that being on Met reduces the potential for overstimulation on injectibles.). Then I have to be on that for 2 weeks at least. Then I'll be waiting for Brad to get finished with his work trips. Then I will be on Provera for 10 days only to wait for AF to start. And then, finally, I will be able to start stims! That will begin 6 weeks from Thursday (hopefully). Soooo, in the meantime I have all of this waiting to do. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas to come. I think that I will call my RE nurse right now, so I can wait for her to call me back to give me my blood test results... :)

Super Excited!

So Brad and I met with out RE yesterday thinking that we were having an IVF consult and then we ended up somewhere else entirely! My RE had previously said that I probably wasn't a good candidate for IUI with injecible medication because I would probably over-respond and end up with a cancelled cycle. However, he seemed to be a lot more positive this time (maybe because he had some med records that he didn't have last time, or maybe because we'd had a lot of bloodwork in the meantime). He said it was up to us but that we can do an IUI with the lowest level of follistim (50 ius I think) and try that to see how I respond. He did caution me that my cycle could still be cancelled if I over-respond. Since we were going to try to do IVF in June, we want to work this IUI in immediately so that it doesn't push us back. I really hope this works and I am really hopeful. I will start Provera tomorrow to bring on AF and then it's on!

I have already begun thinking about things like: If I start Provery tomorrow, I should get AF on March 15th; that means I can start stims March 17th and if I stim for 7 days (I am assuming I will be a quick responder) then I would trigger on the 24th and have my IUI on the 25th. That would make my EDD about a week before Christmas! I know that this is kind of silly, since I am thinking about step 100 and we are on step 1, but this is the first time I have felt truely hopeful.

One thing that I am worried about is that Brad and I have a vacation planned for 2 weeks at the end of May. I would be around 11 weeks at the start of the vacation so I might not feel the best but I think I can do it! Besides, if the IUI doesn't work then I will really need a vacation anyways :) I am trying not to get ahead of myself, but I am so excited. I just hope that i am not setting myself up for a fall...

I need to stop Facebook stalking old friends

It just makes me sad! I hate the "people you may know" function. I am coming across a bunch of old sorority sisters and I was looking through their profiles and they almost all have kids around the same age. It makes me really sad looking at all of their family photos, etc. I know I should just stop (and I def. won't friend them, because who needs kid updates on their daily newsfeed) but I can't! Why am I torturing myself?? This is why I hate IF. I can't even enjoy the mindnumbing distraction of Facebook anymore. Also, I thought, "I'll just shop online, that'll make me feel better." But, nope! I went to look at short on JCrew.com and the first thing that I thought was "better not buy any pants since I'll be bloated from IVF in starting May-ish and then may be pregnant in June." Of course, I may not be pregnant in June. I know I should just live my life like I am not going to get pregnant. Then I won't miss out on anything and I won't get my hopes up, but, who can do that??

I am a bad blogger

I keep forgetting that I have a blog now! I need to be better at posting every day but I feel like nothing fun is going on in my life right now. Work has been very busy. The best part of my job is that I am never short of weird stories. Like yesterday, someone called my work VM and left a message saying, "Happy birthday marshmallow!" This was weird for a few reasons: 1) it was not my birthday and 2) nobody has ever called me marshmallow. If only I had caller ID on my work phone.

On the IF front, I have my IVF consult on Monday. Brad took time off to come with me. We're really excited that we are actually going to have some concrete plans. I will update as soon as we have it and hopefully I will be able to post an IVF plan and timeline!!

P.S. Is anyone actually reading my blog? Its mostly for me but I am just curious...

Am I a reverse-elitist?

Maybe. I was called one on a message board recently and perhaps I am. About fertility anyways. I do think that there are struggles that fertile people can't understand unless they have been through it. I know I did not understand or even think about it until I suffered from IF. So in a way, I don't think that fertiles should be allowed to comment on the validity of IF treatments or on the mindset of the person pursuing them. I do think that I am more qualified in my opinion of fertility treatments. I am not saying that the way I feel is right. I am sure some people think that its not, that's fine. I am just saying that fertiles making judgements about IF treatment is like me making judgments about people who choose different cancer treatments. How would I, having never had cancer, be qualified in any way to tell a person suffering from cancer that they should do treatment x over treatment y or that they shouldn't do any treatment at all? I am not qualified and I don't know anything about it or what they're going through, so I would keep my mouth shut. Anyways, this post was a little grumpy, I'll post something upbeat tomorrow :)

Octuplet Mom

I know everyone's blogs have stuff about this lunatic of a woman so I won't ramble. I am so irritated about her though. Not everyone who goes through IF treatments is like this!! I just want 1 baby not 8. That woman is such an idiot and I feel so sorry for those kids. Plus, this has had such a negative backlash about IVF. Now random people who have no medical or IF knowledge are passing judgment on those of us that are normal and do IVF. As if we didn't have enough to deal with already...

Should have posted this HSG experience earlier...

This is from last week. Worst. day. ever. I went at 10 to get my HSG and the Dr. couldn't get the catheter in because he said my cervix was so closed. Of course I started crying and was so embarrassed. So I had to go to the RE to get dilated (which was so painful, and he had to give me 3 numbing shots, which didn't feel good either) and naturally I sobbed through that whole mess. Then I went back to the radiologist and he STILL couldn't get it in. So I went through so much pain and frustration and wasted 5 hours and $300 for no HSG. SO now I have to go back next cycle which won't be until mid-April since I never have a period on my own and my RE won't give me prometrium until CD-60. I will have to go to the RE to have the catheter inserted and they will tape it and then I will have to drive to the radiologist to get the HSG. Apparently my uterus is pretty tilted, which is also making it difficult. I am sobbing. I feel so stupid for thinking that a simple 20 minute procedure would actually go the way it should. I really really hate my entire reproductive system.

My FIrst Ever Blog Post!!

This is my very first ever blog post! My plan is to use this blog as a way to document my IF/IVF journey and hopefully onto my pregnancy and into motherhood. For those that are reading this and may not know me please allow me to introduce myself :) My name is Lindsay and I have been married for almost 5 years to my wonderful, supportive husband Brad. We live in a suburb north of Atlanta, Georgia. I am a public defender and Brad is an infant toy designer (ironic? yes.). We have been trying to conceive (TTC) for over a year. My diagnosis is slightly unclear to me at this point, I have been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome by one doctor but then another told me that I don't have PCOS, just "polycystic ovaries." In any event, since we have been trying for the past 14 months or so, I have ovulated zero times. Not once. I have tried several cycles of a fertility drug called Clomid (I tried 4 cycles of this) and one cycle of a cancer drug called Femara. Femara has the off-label benefit of causing ovulation in some women. Not me though! Brad has great swimmers so hopefully once I can get things together on my end we'll be good to go!

I currently have a plan to get things going. My doc thinks that IVF is our best option since he thinks that my ovaries will respond too well to injectible medications. If I develop too many follicles another procedure such as IUI would have to be cancelled since we don't want to be the next John and Kate. With IVF we can be sure that at most we will have 2 embryos put back and it will be safer for me. Soooo, here's the current timeline: 2/09-HSG (just to make sure that my tubes are clear); 4/09 IVF consult; 5/09 vacation (maybe our last as a childless couple!) and hopefully will start birth control for suppression for IVF; 6/09 IVF! That's our goal outline at this point. My plan is to post whenever I have something new to report, so keep your eyes peeled and your fingers crossed!!