It's really happening!!

So, I have great news! I got a call from my insurance company yesterday telling me that they are going to cover my meds! Then I got a call from my specialty pharmacy telling me that they were going to ship them. So, when I get home from work my meds should be there waiting for me on the doorstep. I can't wait!! Doesn't that sound silly? I never thought I'd be so excited to stick needles into my skin.

I hesitate to speculate on timing since I always jinx it, but I might as well! I usually get AF 2-3 days after stopping provera and I have tonight and tomorrow left on that. So I am guessing that I will start stims on CD 3 which should be on April 27th or 28th. Hopefully I won't ruin it by posting that! I have no idea how long I will stim for, but I am guessing not less than 7 days, maybe longer. I know the goal is slow and steady and I am totally fine with that...

Well that was quick

I swear the fastest way to completely change my plans, is to post them in my blog! I was doing some more research yesterday and found that there were several women who didn't have their IUIs until CD 17 or even into CD 20 or longer. Well that freaked me out because I didn't leave enough time in the original plan to stim for that long before vacation. So Brad and I decided that we'd better get this show on the road. I called my nurse and I will be starting Provera tonight. I will go in for an injectible class on Thursday and I will start my stims right around the end of the month. If I stim quickly I could have the IUI as early as May 8th-ish or I could have it much later depending on how I respond. Whatever happens I just hope that I dont' over-respond, since that is the main concern with me. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. I wish I could stop being such a planner, I make myself crazy. But, I am so excited to be moving forward!

One week...

One more week and I can finally start the provera to get AF going. Once I start that I will consider the cycle officially underway. I can't wait! I am feeling so positive that this is going to work, but I am also trying not to get my hopes up. Even if it doesn't work, it will be nice just to ovulate for once! I have been thinking a lot about getting pregnant and I am so excited but I am also a bit terrified. I know that this is what I have wanted for a long time but the idea of giving birth and then parenting a child is so scary to me. I haven't always had the best luck with having good role models in my life, and I am a little scared that I won't be able to live up to my own expectations...I know that this is normal and that this will pass. I also know that I am putting the cart before the horse, so to speak, since I am not even starting to cycle, but the closer I get the more the thoughts are creeping in. By this time next month I will be anxiously awaiting my IUI. If I am neurotic now I can't even imagine how I will act then! Poor Brad...

Am I a reverse-elitist?

Maybe. I was called one on a message board recently and perhaps I am. About fertility anyways. I do think that there are struggles that fertile people can't understand unless they have been through it. I know I did not understand or even think about it until I suffered from IF. So in a way, I don't think that fertiles should be allowed to comment on the validity of IF treatments or on the mindset of the person pursuing them. I do think that I am more qualified in my opinion of fertility treatments. I am not saying that the way I feel is right. I am sure some people think that its not, that's fine. I am just saying that fertiles making judgements about IF treatment is like me making judgments about people who choose different cancer treatments. How would I, having never had cancer, be qualified in any way to tell a person suffering from cancer that they should do treatment x over treatment y or that they shouldn't do any treatment at all? I am not qualified and I don't know anything about it or what they're going through, so I would keep my mouth shut. Anyways, this post was a little grumpy, I'll post something upbeat tomorrow :)

Should have posted this HSG experience earlier...

This is from last week. Worst. day. ever. I went at 10 to get my HSG and the Dr. couldn't get the catheter in because he said my cervix was so closed. Of course I started crying and was so embarrassed. So I had to go to the RE to get dilated (which was so painful, and he had to give me 3 numbing shots, which didn't feel good either) and naturally I sobbed through that whole mess. Then I went back to the radiologist and he STILL couldn't get it in. So I went through so much pain and frustration and wasted 5 hours and $300 for no HSG. SO now I have to go back next cycle which won't be until mid-April since I never have a period on my own and my RE won't give me prometrium until CD-60. I will have to go to the RE to have the catheter inserted and they will tape it and then I will have to drive to the radiologist to get the HSG. Apparently my uterus is pretty tilted, which is also making it difficult. I am sobbing. I feel so stupid for thinking that a simple 20 minute procedure would actually go the way it should. I really really hate my entire reproductive system.