I need to stop Facebook stalking old friends

It just makes me sad! I hate the "people you may know" function. I am coming across a bunch of old sorority sisters and I was looking through their profiles and they almost all have kids around the same age. It makes me really sad looking at all of their family photos, etc. I know I should just stop (and I def. won't friend them, because who needs kid updates on their daily newsfeed) but I can't! Why am I torturing myself?? This is why I hate IF. I can't even enjoy the mindnumbing distraction of Facebook anymore. Also, I thought, "I'll just shop online, that'll make me feel better." But, nope! I went to look at short on JCrew.com and the first thing that I thought was "better not buy any pants since I'll be bloated from IVF in starting May-ish and then may be pregnant in June." Of course, I may not be pregnant in June. I know I should just live my life like I am not going to get pregnant. Then I won't miss out on anything and I won't get my hopes up, but, who can do that??

I am a bad blogger

I keep forgetting that I have a blog now! I need to be better at posting every day but I feel like nothing fun is going on in my life right now. Work has been very busy. The best part of my job is that I am never short of weird stories. Like yesterday, someone called my work VM and left a message saying, "Happy birthday marshmallow!" This was weird for a few reasons: 1) it was not my birthday and 2) nobody has ever called me marshmallow. If only I had caller ID on my work phone.

On the IF front, I have my IVF consult on Monday. Brad took time off to come with me. We're really excited that we are actually going to have some concrete plans. I will update as soon as we have it and hopefully I will be able to post an IVF plan and timeline!!

P.S. Is anyone actually reading my blog? Its mostly for me but I am just curious...

Am I a reverse-elitist?

Maybe. I was called one on a message board recently and perhaps I am. About fertility anyways. I do think that there are struggles that fertile people can't understand unless they have been through it. I know I did not understand or even think about it until I suffered from IF. So in a way, I don't think that fertiles should be allowed to comment on the validity of IF treatments or on the mindset of the person pursuing them. I do think that I am more qualified in my opinion of fertility treatments. I am not saying that the way I feel is right. I am sure some people think that its not, that's fine. I am just saying that fertiles making judgements about IF treatment is like me making judgments about people who choose different cancer treatments. How would I, having never had cancer, be qualified in any way to tell a person suffering from cancer that they should do treatment x over treatment y or that they shouldn't do any treatment at all? I am not qualified and I don't know anything about it or what they're going through, so I would keep my mouth shut. Anyways, this post was a little grumpy, I'll post something upbeat tomorrow :)

Octuplet Mom

I know everyone's blogs have stuff about this lunatic of a woman so I won't ramble. I am so irritated about her though. Not everyone who goes through IF treatments is like this!! I just want 1 baby not 8. That woman is such an idiot and I feel so sorry for those kids. Plus, this has had such a negative backlash about IVF. Now random people who have no medical or IF knowledge are passing judgment on those of us that are normal and do IVF. As if we didn't have enough to deal with already...

Should have posted this HSG experience earlier...

This is from last week. Worst. day. ever. I went at 10 to get my HSG and the Dr. couldn't get the catheter in because he said my cervix was so closed. Of course I started crying and was so embarrassed. So I had to go to the RE to get dilated (which was so painful, and he had to give me 3 numbing shots, which didn't feel good either) and naturally I sobbed through that whole mess. Then I went back to the radiologist and he STILL couldn't get it in. So I went through so much pain and frustration and wasted 5 hours and $300 for no HSG. SO now I have to go back next cycle which won't be until mid-April since I never have a period on my own and my RE won't give me prometrium until CD-60. I will have to go to the RE to have the catheter inserted and they will tape it and then I will have to drive to the radiologist to get the HSG. Apparently my uterus is pretty tilted, which is also making it difficult. I am sobbing. I feel so stupid for thinking that a simple 20 minute procedure would actually go the way it should. I really really hate my entire reproductive system.