Different perspectives...

I was thinking yesterday that I've never even considered the possibility that this IUI won't work. I have considered the possibility that I would overstim and not even make it to the IUI and I have accepted that. However, I sort of just figured that if we make it to the IUI I will definitely get pregnant. There's no reason for me to think that there are any egg quality problems (in fact, woment with PCOS usually have very good quality, they just do't ovulate them) since I am young, I'm a nonsmoker, vegetarian, and I excercise well...not regularly but every once in a while :) There are no male factor issues, I tell Brad often that he has rockstar sperm. So I just always assumed that if I could ovulate I would just get pregnant. I was telling Brad this last ngiht and he assumed the exact opposite. He said that he assumed that this wouldn't work and that it was just a formality for us to do before IVF. I thought that was interesting since we hadn't really talked about it. So, I may either be very disappointed or Brad my be very surprised. Let's hope it's the latter.

One bit of good news I received today is that my Follistim and HCG might be covered by insurance. I am scared to be too optimistic, so I won't get my hopes up but it looks like they were tentaively approved. I have been operating off of the assumption that they wouldn't be approved, so I am pretty surprised and happy. I will know in a few days whether they are or not and what my co-pay will be but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Also, I went to a birthday dinner for a friend with a 9 month old, the same age our baby would be if we had gotten pregnant right away. In fact, there were 2 babies there. I was surprised by how little it bothered my. In fact, I held them both (which would make the 3rd and 4th times that I have ever held a baby in my life) and it went relatively smoothly. I think I am colored by my optimism over this cycle. I hope it doesn't let me down!! I should be starting stims in a little over a week!

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

I feel like that's all I do!! I am currently waiting for my AMH results (I don't know exactly what this is but it's a blood test that indicates fertility and can correlate to PCOS). Then I will wait for them to call in my Metformin (which is a diabetic drug that regulates insulin. My insulin is fine but my RE said that there is some evidence to suggest that being on Met reduces the potential for overstimulation on injectibles.). Then I have to be on that for 2 weeks at least. Then I'll be waiting for Brad to get finished with his work trips. Then I will be on Provera for 10 days only to wait for AF to start. And then, finally, I will be able to start stims! That will begin 6 weeks from Thursday (hopefully). Soooo, in the meantime I have all of this waiting to do. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas to come. I think that I will call my RE nurse right now, so I can wait for her to call me back to give me my blood test results... :)

Super Excited!

So Brad and I met with out RE yesterday thinking that we were having an IVF consult and then we ended up somewhere else entirely! My RE had previously said that I probably wasn't a good candidate for IUI with injecible medication because I would probably over-respond and end up with a cancelled cycle. However, he seemed to be a lot more positive this time (maybe because he had some med records that he didn't have last time, or maybe because we'd had a lot of bloodwork in the meantime). He said it was up to us but that we can do an IUI with the lowest level of follistim (50 ius I think) and try that to see how I respond. He did caution me that my cycle could still be cancelled if I over-respond. Since we were going to try to do IVF in June, we want to work this IUI in immediately so that it doesn't push us back. I really hope this works and I am really hopeful. I will start Provera tomorrow to bring on AF and then it's on!

I have already begun thinking about things like: If I start Provery tomorrow, I should get AF on March 15th; that means I can start stims March 17th and if I stim for 7 days (I am assuming I will be a quick responder) then I would trigger on the 24th and have my IUI on the 25th. That would make my EDD about a week before Christmas! I know that this is kind of silly, since I am thinking about step 100 and we are on step 1, but this is the first time I have felt truely hopeful.

One thing that I am worried about is that Brad and I have a vacation planned for 2 weeks at the end of May. I would be around 11 weeks at the start of the vacation so I might not feel the best but I think I can do it! Besides, if the IUI doesn't work then I will really need a vacation anyways :) I am trying not to get ahead of myself, but I am so excited. I just hope that i am not setting myself up for a fall...

I need to stop Facebook stalking old friends

It just makes me sad! I hate the "people you may know" function. I am coming across a bunch of old sorority sisters and I was looking through their profiles and they almost all have kids around the same age. It makes me really sad looking at all of their family photos, etc. I know I should just stop (and I def. won't friend them, because who needs kid updates on their daily newsfeed) but I can't! Why am I torturing myself?? This is why I hate IF. I can't even enjoy the mindnumbing distraction of Facebook anymore. Also, I thought, "I'll just shop online, that'll make me feel better." But, nope! I went to look at short on JCrew.com and the first thing that I thought was "better not buy any pants since I'll be bloated from IVF in starting May-ish and then may be pregnant in June." Of course, I may not be pregnant in June. I know I should just live my life like I am not going to get pregnant. Then I won't miss out on anything and I won't get my hopes up, but, who can do that??

I am a bad blogger

I keep forgetting that I have a blog now! I need to be better at posting every day but I feel like nothing fun is going on in my life right now. Work has been very busy. The best part of my job is that I am never short of weird stories. Like yesterday, someone called my work VM and left a message saying, "Happy birthday marshmallow!" This was weird for a few reasons: 1) it was not my birthday and 2) nobody has ever called me marshmallow. If only I had caller ID on my work phone.

On the IF front, I have my IVF consult on Monday. Brad took time off to come with me. We're really excited that we are actually going to have some concrete plans. I will update as soon as we have it and hopefully I will be able to post an IVF plan and timeline!!

P.S. Is anyone actually reading my blog? Its mostly for me but I am just curious...

Octuplet Mom

I know everyone's blogs have stuff about this lunatic of a woman so I won't ramble. I am so irritated about her though. Not everyone who goes through IF treatments is like this!! I just want 1 baby not 8. That woman is such an idiot and I feel so sorry for those kids. Plus, this has had such a negative backlash about IVF. Now random people who have no medical or IF knowledge are passing judgment on those of us that are normal and do IVF. As if we didn't have enough to deal with already...

My FIrst Ever Blog Post!!

This is my very first ever blog post! My plan is to use this blog as a way to document my IF/IVF journey and hopefully onto my pregnancy and into motherhood. For those that are reading this and may not know me please allow me to introduce myself :) My name is Lindsay and I have been married for almost 5 years to my wonderful, supportive husband Brad. We live in a suburb north of Atlanta, Georgia. I am a public defender and Brad is an infant toy designer (ironic? yes.). We have been trying to conceive (TTC) for over a year. My diagnosis is slightly unclear to me at this point, I have been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome by one doctor but then another told me that I don't have PCOS, just "polycystic ovaries." In any event, since we have been trying for the past 14 months or so, I have ovulated zero times. Not once. I have tried several cycles of a fertility drug called Clomid (I tried 4 cycles of this) and one cycle of a cancer drug called Femara. Femara has the off-label benefit of causing ovulation in some women. Not me though! Brad has great swimmers so hopefully once I can get things together on my end we'll be good to go!

I currently have a plan to get things going. My doc thinks that IVF is our best option since he thinks that my ovaries will respond too well to injectible medications. If I develop too many follicles another procedure such as IUI would have to be cancelled since we don't want to be the next John and Kate. With IVF we can be sure that at most we will have 2 embryos put back and it will be safer for me. Soooo, here's the current timeline: 2/09-HSG (just to make sure that my tubes are clear); 4/09 IVF consult; 5/09 vacation (maybe our last as a childless couple!) and hopefully will start birth control for suppression for IVF; 6/09 IVF! That's our goal outline at this point. My plan is to post whenever I have something new to report, so keep your eyes peeled and your fingers crossed!!