Fish

Thundercats are goooooooooooooo!

I did my first Follistim shot last night. I did it in my leg and it was no problem. I am trying to send encouraging vibes to my ovaries, but not too encouraging since I don't want too many eggs. So I am sending some pretty mixed messages I guess. :) I have my first appointment Sunday at 8:15 (which, by the way, is a time that I haven't seen on a Sunday in years...not exaggerating). I am not sure where I'm supposed to be by then so I guess we'll just see how it goes. So far no s/e or anything.

Starting Follistim tonight!

I am finally starting with 50ius of Follistim tonight! I don't know why I'm so excited but I am. I am just trying to be positive. I know that this is about to sound hokey, but I have also been trying to use "the secret" for this cycle. I am thinking only that I know this will work, and hoping that putting those positive vibes into the universe will do something. My feeling is that, I am not sure that it will work, but it sure can't hurt!

I had my CD3 ultrasound today. I had no cysts (yay!) and my lining was exactly where it should be. I had 15 antral follies on the left side and 12 antral follies on the right. I am not sure what that really means, so I am going to do some research on it today.

My first follie check will be on Sunday and I don't even know what I am supposed to hope for. I guess I just hope that I have 2 follies that are taking the lead. My RE is super-conservative so he'll cancel with too many, but I am also super-conservative so I won't do the IUI with more than 3. 2 would be ideal, but I'll take what I can get. Fingers crossed!

And, we're off!

This cycle is officially underway. I got AF yesterday and am going to my RE's office tomorrow morning to do a quick check and as long as everything looks good I will start my Follistim tomorrow evening! I am just hoping that I don't have any large cysts. I have never had a large one, usually just very small ones, and they didn't enlarge when I was taking Clomid, which can enlarge cysts, so I think I am in the clear (knock on wood). Every time I think about this cycle my heart starts pounding. I am so nervous and excited. I think deep down I knew that my past Clomid cycles weren't going to work. I never got too excited about them. I really hope that this cycle is our winner.

I had such a vivid dream about having a baby last night. The dream was actually about breast feeding, which was a little strange. In my dream I was just sitting there breast feeding a newborn and thinking how easy breastfeeding was going. I don't consider myself to be intuitive but here's to hoping!

It's really happening!!

So, I have great news! I got a call from my insurance company yesterday telling me that they are going to cover my meds! Then I got a call from my specialty pharmacy telling me that they were going to ship them. So, when I get home from work my meds should be there waiting for me on the doorstep. I can't wait!! Doesn't that sound silly? I never thought I'd be so excited to stick needles into my skin.

I hesitate to speculate on timing since I always jinx it, but I might as well! I usually get AF 2-3 days after stopping provera and I have tonight and tomorrow left on that. So I am guessing that I will start stims on CD 3 which should be on April 27th or 28th. Hopefully I won't ruin it by posting that! I have no idea how long I will stim for, but I am guessing not less than 7 days, maybe longer. I know the goal is slow and steady and I am totally fine with that...

Different perspectives...

I was thinking yesterday that I've never even considered the possibility that this IUI won't work. I have considered the possibility that I would overstim and not even make it to the IUI and I have accepted that. However, I sort of just figured that if we make it to the IUI I will definitely get pregnant. There's no reason for me to think that there are any egg quality problems (in fact, woment with PCOS usually have very good quality, they just do't ovulate them) since I am young, I'm a nonsmoker, vegetarian, and I excercise well...not regularly but every once in a while :) There are no male factor issues, I tell Brad often that he has rockstar sperm. So I just always assumed that if I could ovulate I would just get pregnant. I was telling Brad this last ngiht and he assumed the exact opposite. He said that he assumed that this wouldn't work and that it was just a formality for us to do before IVF. I thought that was interesting since we hadn't really talked about it. So, I may either be very disappointed or Brad my be very surprised. Let's hope it's the latter.

One bit of good news I received today is that my Follistim and HCG might be covered by insurance. I am scared to be too optimistic, so I won't get my hopes up but it looks like they were tentaively approved. I have been operating off of the assumption that they wouldn't be approved, so I am pretty surprised and happy. I will know in a few days whether they are or not and what my co-pay will be but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Also, I went to a birthday dinner for a friend with a 9 month old, the same age our baby would be if we had gotten pregnant right away. In fact, there were 2 babies there. I was surprised by how little it bothered my. In fact, I held them both (which would make the 3rd and 4th times that I have ever held a baby in my life) and it went relatively smoothly. I think I am colored by my optimism over this cycle. I hope it doesn't let me down!! I should be starting stims in a little over a week!

Well that was quick

I swear the fastest way to completely change my plans, is to post them in my blog! I was doing some more research yesterday and found that there were several women who didn't have their IUIs until CD 17 or even into CD 20 or longer. Well that freaked me out because I didn't leave enough time in the original plan to stim for that long before vacation. So Brad and I decided that we'd better get this show on the road. I called my nurse and I will be starting Provera tonight. I will go in for an injectible class on Thursday and I will start my stims right around the end of the month. If I stim quickly I could have the IUI as early as May 8th-ish or I could have it much later depending on how I respond. Whatever happens I just hope that I dont' over-respond, since that is the main concern with me. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. I wish I could stop being such a planner, I make myself crazy. But, I am so excited to be moving forward!

One week...

One more week and I can finally start the provera to get AF going. Once I start that I will consider the cycle officially underway. I can't wait! I am feeling so positive that this is going to work, but I am also trying not to get my hopes up. Even if it doesn't work, it will be nice just to ovulate for once! I have been thinking a lot about getting pregnant and I am so excited but I am also a bit terrified. I know that this is what I have wanted for a long time but the idea of giving birth and then parenting a child is so scary to me. I haven't always had the best luck with having good role models in my life, and I am a little scared that I won't be able to live up to my own expectations...I know that this is normal and that this will pass. I also know that I am putting the cart before the horse, so to speak, since I am not even starting to cycle, but the closer I get the more the thoughts are creeping in. By this time next month I will be anxiously awaiting my IUI. If I am neurotic now I can't even imagine how I will act then! Poor Brad...

Bleh...

...is how I feel today. The Met is kicking my ass, but thanks to some good advice from a Met pro, I have started splitting up my pills (one with lunch and one right before bed) and that has been a huge help! I also started a new position at work doing traffic court stuff. Not only is it not glamorous in any way, it's exhausting! I have court every single day and at times twice per day. I get about a million calls a day too. And the paperwork, oh the papers!!!! I am not huge on change when it requires me to go out of my comfort zone so I am not locing this transition. That said, I only have to do it for a few months and then things will settle down once I get back to my old position.

Also, my little brother informed me that he is getting married in late September. It is great, I am so happy for him! He is getting married in Ohio so I am planning on making the trip up. The one little snag is that my father will be there (I assume) and I haven't talked to him in 14 years. I don't feel like having any sort of discussion with him or anything so I am scared that it will escalate and I will have to leave but I have 5 months to figure it all out...

On the IF front, nothing to report...I'm still just killing time until I can actually do something on 4/20 :/