I tested today

I couldn't wait. Remember what I said about being impatient? Well, it was a very very faint positive. I am 11 days past trigger, so all the HCG from that should be out. However, I am still reserving most excitement until my actual testing date, which is the 26th. I am obviously going to test every day until then though!!

I had thought of so many ways to tell Brad, but when it came down to it what I said was, "Is this a line?? Do you see a line??" So romantic :P Anyways, anything can still happen so I am not getting to attached to this idea and I am not telling anyone IRL about it but I am quietly happy :)

8 days past IUI

I'm not sure that time could move slower if it were standing still. I feel like it is hard just to get through each day. I am trying so so hard to wait until Saturday to test because I know anything before that will be a negative and that will break my heart. It's still hard to suppress the urge though. I don't know why. I hate it when I can't be rational.

My bloating is much much better today. Yesterday it was terrible but I feel like it is starting to subside. Yesterday it was uncomfortable just to walk, but today it feels much better. I am still bloated though. The cramping has also gone away. I have felt a brief tingle in my utering area a couple of times today, but I am not reading into that because I may have imagined it. My boobs are still sore, but getting better. While I am glad that I am not as uncomfortable as I had been, I am also worried that this means that it didn't work. I am hoping that it just means that my body has normalized a little to the progesterone.

Speaking of progesterone, I went in this morning for a progesterone draw. I'm still waiting to hear about that but I am hoping for a nice high number. God, I need to just know if I am pregnant or not. I'm even boring myself with this whining. I'm not going to post again until Saturday so as not to bore you with the overanalyzing of every small thing going on in my reproductive system...

Well, 5dpiui

That's right, 5 days past IUI. For those of you counting, I am considering the first iui to be the "past iui date" because I am really impatient and this makes it seem like time is moving faster. I am dying here in the 2ww though. This is the first "real" one I've had. I have had 2ww's before, but it turned out that I had ever ovulated so I never even stood a chance. Well, I have my progesterone check on Weds. but I am pretty sure I ovulated. Tons of weird things have been going on in my abdomen lately. I think I ovulated the night between IUI #1 and #2 because I went to sleep feeling very aware of my left ovary (which had all of the follies that would have released) and woke up with a lot less pressure there but more bloating. My RE said that I would be bloated for at least a week. I don't mind so long as the bloat is actually taking me somewhere.

I have been really bloated since about 2 days past trigger and I continue to be so bloated that I can't sleep well. I have also been really tired lately, which I am guessing is from the progesterone supplements. Each night I go to bed earlier and earlier and this weekend I slept about 12 hours each night. My nipples are also crazy sore. I have never had sore boobs, ever. This sucks mainlybecuase I am a stomach sleeper. And then there's the cramping that began last night and is in full force today. I am not kidding when I say that I have gone to the bathroom expecting AF to show up only to find nothing. Of course I am glad to not see AF but I don't know what this cramping is all about. I thought implantation occurred 7-10DPO but some people have said that it could be implantation cramping, and these are pregnant ladies so now I don't know. That just seems so early to me, but of course I would be so happy if that were it. I am just hoping that AF stays away. I am planning on testing Sat. morning at 10/11 dpiui. I know that's a little early, but like I said, I'm impatient!

Groundhog Day

Another day, another IUI. Our numbers were still great today at 80 million. I am feeling super-bloated now though. Before, I was feeling some crampiness in my left ovary. Last night I must have ovulated because I don't feel anything in my ovary anymore but it is more of a cramping in my abdomen. I hope this goes away soon, but I am not optomistic. I think I will feel like crap for the rest of the week. Hopefully I will get my BFP and it will be worth it!! Now just 2 weeks until I can test. Piece of cake right? :P

I am inseminated!

I had my first IUI this morning. I was so afraid, based on my horrible and painful HSG experience. Well, let me just say that it was nothing! I didn't even feel a thing, it was less than a pap!! When I went in the nurse told me that I had a great sample to work with. Apparantly Brad's numbers were 92 million post-wash! She also said that motility was a 4 (their highest grade) and that almost nobody gets a 4! She said that he won the "stud muffin of the day" award :P My RE said that I would be feeling bloated this week, so I should be prepared for that, but he was really optomistic based on the numbers and my lining.

I had to trigger last night in a weird place. I had a sub-q trigger and I was supposed to do it at 8 p.m. Well, I was also involved in a study group beginning at 8 p.m. so there was a little conflict. So right before it started I went to the bathroom and was in the stall mixing up my drugs, it felt very shady...

So my second IUI is tomorrow and then we just wait. That's gonna be hard...

Freaking out a little.

Tonight is the night of my trigger. I did not get cancelled! I am beyond thrilled. Somehow, when I went in today I had 6 follies at 13mm on the right. I had like 10 follies at 13mm on the left but I also had 2 big beautiful ladies. One at 18mm and one at 21mm. I had to wait for my bloodwork to come back, but I got the call and I am a go for tonight's trigger!! I have no idea what my E2 level was but I don't even care!

I am a little excited and a lot nervous. This is really happening, and I can't believe it. I am so happy but scared. I am scared that it won't work, but at the same time I am scared that it will work. I've wanted this for so long, and I got so used to getting nowhere with my treatments that I didn't even really think about this moment. This may be my last day as a non-pregnant woman. Even though we've tried for over 18 months, I always felt that I wasn't ovulating so this is going to be the first time I've ovulated in that time and the first time I might truely and honestly get pregnant. Wow...

I've gone rogue

I think my cycle is about to be canceled. I had an E2 yesterday of 632 but was optimistic because of my 3 good lookin follicles. Well, when I went in today I had 6 measurables. One at 11 and one at 12 on the right and 3 at 13 and one at 14 in the left. My RE said (and I know) that we'd in the "danger zone" for a cancelled cycle since there are so many close together. My E2 level was 910. I have to step down my dose and go back tomorrow. I am almost positive they will cancel me. I know that anything can happen (and that's especially true with my body) but I am not getting my hopes up. I just don't see how a few will be able to grow to trigger size and yet the other won't grow at all (which is what I need to happen). In an ideal world most of my left side follies would grow and the right would stay just where they are, but again, I am not sure how that's possible. I was explaining to my mom that I might have to cancel since I would ovulate too many and she said "Well can't they just stop a few of them." Uhm, no. Clearly she didn't have any trouble with pregnancy. She did offer me her ovaries, but I think that's a little weird!

So here's where I have decided to take matters into my own hands. I am taking slightly less than the 50IU the RE told me to take. Not a lot less, but 50IU just seems like too much given my situation and I figure I'm throwing money down the drain at this point anyways, so why not? I'm totally a rebel.

I did pretty well with Mother's Day but it definitely helped that my mom and I celebrated yesterday when I was riding the wave of good news. Today I picked strawberries in a strawberry field and it was completely silent except for the sound of an Asian man playing a pan flute (Weird? Yes.). It was so relaxing and a great way to clear the mind. And now my kitchen smells like wonderfully ripe strawberries :)