Well, 5dpiui

That's right, 5 days past IUI. For those of you counting, I am considering the first iui to be the "past iui date" because I am really impatient and this makes it seem like time is moving faster. I am dying here in the 2ww though. This is the first "real" one I've had. I have had 2ww's before, but it turned out that I had ever ovulated so I never even stood a chance. Well, I have my progesterone check on Weds. but I am pretty sure I ovulated. Tons of weird things have been going on in my abdomen lately. I think I ovulated the night between IUI #1 and #2 because I went to sleep feeling very aware of my left ovary (which had all of the follies that would have released) and woke up with a lot less pressure there but more bloating. My RE said that I would be bloated for at least a week. I don't mind so long as the bloat is actually taking me somewhere.

I have been really bloated since about 2 days past trigger and I continue to be so bloated that I can't sleep well. I have also been really tired lately, which I am guessing is from the progesterone supplements. Each night I go to bed earlier and earlier and this weekend I slept about 12 hours each night. My nipples are also crazy sore. I have never had sore boobs, ever. This sucks mainlybecuase I am a stomach sleeper. And then there's the cramping that began last night and is in full force today. I am not kidding when I say that I have gone to the bathroom expecting AF to show up only to find nothing. Of course I am glad to not see AF but I don't know what this cramping is all about. I thought implantation occurred 7-10DPO but some people have said that it could be implantation cramping, and these are pregnant ladies so now I don't know. That just seems so early to me, but of course I would be so happy if that were it. I am just hoping that AF stays away. I am planning on testing Sat. morning at 10/11 dpiui. I know that's a little early, but like I said, I'm impatient!

Groundhog Day

Another day, another IUI. Our numbers were still great today at 80 million. I am feeling super-bloated now though. Before, I was feeling some crampiness in my left ovary. Last night I must have ovulated because I don't feel anything in my ovary anymore but it is more of a cramping in my abdomen. I hope this goes away soon, but I am not optomistic. I think I will feel like crap for the rest of the week. Hopefully I will get my BFP and it will be worth it!! Now just 2 weeks until I can test. Piece of cake right? :P

I am inseminated!

I had my first IUI this morning. I was so afraid, based on my horrible and painful HSG experience. Well, let me just say that it was nothing! I didn't even feel a thing, it was less than a pap!! When I went in the nurse told me that I had a great sample to work with. Apparantly Brad's numbers were 92 million post-wash! She also said that motility was a 4 (their highest grade) and that almost nobody gets a 4! She said that he won the "stud muffin of the day" award :P My RE said that I would be feeling bloated this week, so I should be prepared for that, but he was really optomistic based on the numbers and my lining.

I had to trigger last night in a weird place. I had a sub-q trigger and I was supposed to do it at 8 p.m. Well, I was also involved in a study group beginning at 8 p.m. so there was a little conflict. So right before it started I went to the bathroom and was in the stall mixing up my drugs, it felt very shady...

So my second IUI is tomorrow and then we just wait. That's gonna be hard...

Freaking out a little.

Tonight is the night of my trigger. I did not get cancelled! I am beyond thrilled. Somehow, when I went in today I had 6 follies at 13mm on the right. I had like 10 follies at 13mm on the left but I also had 2 big beautiful ladies. One at 18mm and one at 21mm. I had to wait for my bloodwork to come back, but I got the call and I am a go for tonight's trigger!! I have no idea what my E2 level was but I don't even care!

I am a little excited and a lot nervous. This is really happening, and I can't believe it. I am so happy but scared. I am scared that it won't work, but at the same time I am scared that it will work. I've wanted this for so long, and I got so used to getting nowhere with my treatments that I didn't even really think about this moment. This may be my last day as a non-pregnant woman. Even though we've tried for over 18 months, I always felt that I wasn't ovulating so this is going to be the first time I've ovulated in that time and the first time I might truely and honestly get pregnant. Wow...

I've gone rogue

I think my cycle is about to be canceled. I had an E2 yesterday of 632 but was optimistic because of my 3 good lookin follicles. Well, when I went in today I had 6 measurables. One at 11 and one at 12 on the right and 3 at 13 and one at 14 in the left. My RE said (and I know) that we'd in the "danger zone" for a cancelled cycle since there are so many close together. My E2 level was 910. I have to step down my dose and go back tomorrow. I am almost positive they will cancel me. I know that anything can happen (and that's especially true with my body) but I am not getting my hopes up. I just don't see how a few will be able to grow to trigger size and yet the other won't grow at all (which is what I need to happen). In an ideal world most of my left side follies would grow and the right would stay just where they are, but again, I am not sure how that's possible. I was explaining to my mom that I might have to cancel since I would ovulate too many and she said "Well can't they just stop a few of them." Uhm, no. Clearly she didn't have any trouble with pregnancy. She did offer me her ovaries, but I think that's a little weird!

So here's where I have decided to take matters into my own hands. I am taking slightly less than the 50IU the RE told me to take. Not a lot less, but 50IU just seems like too much given my situation and I figure I'm throwing money down the drain at this point anyways, so why not? I'm totally a rebel.

I did pretty well with Mother's Day but it definitely helped that my mom and I celebrated yesterday when I was riding the wave of good news. Today I picked strawberries in a strawberry field and it was completely silent except for the sound of an Asian man playing a pan flute (Weird? Yes.). It was so relaxing and a great way to clear the mind. And now my kitchen smells like wonderfully ripe strawberries :)

Naturally

I am so excited to see that people actually read my blog, and thank you to those that have commented!

So, I had another ultrasound today and much to my joy and surprise, I had 3 measurable follies! I had 2 on the left (where did those come from?!) at 12 and one on the right at 11 (this is my "little engine that could" follie that has been trying to grow since the beginning). So I finally left the RE's office not in tears. But, naturally, it couldn't be all good news... About 4 hours after I left I got the call that my E2 level was over 600 (can't remember the exact number) to which I respond, "Wow! That's good right?!" Well, of course it wasn't. The nurse said that it was a little high. So, I am back down to 75 IU tonight and then I have to go back tomorrow.

I am not super worried or disappointed yet. I figure, if it really was way too high they would have reduced the dose even further. However, I also know that my RE is worried that some of the other follies might catch up and he doesn't want that to happen since he'll only trigger with 3 mature. So, I am hoping tomorrow that I will see some growth in the three that I had today and no others growing. Fingers crossed!

Starting Follistim tonight!

I am finally starting with 50ius of Follistim tonight! I don't know why I'm so excited but I am. I am just trying to be positive. I know that this is about to sound hokey, but I have also been trying to use "the secret" for this cycle. I am thinking only that I know this will work, and hoping that putting those positive vibes into the universe will do something. My feeling is that, I am not sure that it will work, but it sure can't hurt!

I had my CD3 ultrasound today. I had no cysts (yay!) and my lining was exactly where it should be. I had 15 antral follies on the left side and 12 antral follies on the right. I am not sure what that really means, so I am going to do some research on it today.

My first follie check will be on Sunday and I don't even know what I am supposed to hope for. I guess I just hope that I have 2 follies that are taking the lead. My RE is super-conservative so he'll cancel with too many, but I am also super-conservative so I won't do the IUI with more than 3. 2 would be ideal, but I'll take what I can get. Fingers crossed!

And, we're off!

This cycle is officially underway. I got AF yesterday and am going to my RE's office tomorrow morning to do a quick check and as long as everything looks good I will start my Follistim tomorrow evening! I am just hoping that I don't have any large cysts. I have never had a large one, usually just very small ones, and they didn't enlarge when I was taking Clomid, which can enlarge cysts, so I think I am in the clear (knock on wood). Every time I think about this cycle my heart starts pounding. I am so nervous and excited. I think deep down I knew that my past Clomid cycles weren't going to work. I never got too excited about them. I really hope that this cycle is our winner.

I had such a vivid dream about having a baby last night. The dream was actually about breast feeding, which was a little strange. In my dream I was just sitting there breast feeding a newborn and thinking how easy breastfeeding was going. I don't consider myself to be intuitive but here's to hoping!

It's really happening!!

So, I have great news! I got a call from my insurance company yesterday telling me that they are going to cover my meds! Then I got a call from my specialty pharmacy telling me that they were going to ship them. So, when I get home from work my meds should be there waiting for me on the doorstep. I can't wait!! Doesn't that sound silly? I never thought I'd be so excited to stick needles into my skin.

I hesitate to speculate on timing since I always jinx it, but I might as well! I usually get AF 2-3 days after stopping provera and I have tonight and tomorrow left on that. So I am guessing that I will start stims on CD 3 which should be on April 27th or 28th. Hopefully I won't ruin it by posting that! I have no idea how long I will stim for, but I am guessing not less than 7 days, maybe longer. I know the goal is slow and steady and I am totally fine with that...

Different perspectives...

I was thinking yesterday that I've never even considered the possibility that this IUI won't work. I have considered the possibility that I would overstim and not even make it to the IUI and I have accepted that. However, I sort of just figured that if we make it to the IUI I will definitely get pregnant. There's no reason for me to think that there are any egg quality problems (in fact, woment with PCOS usually have very good quality, they just do't ovulate them) since I am young, I'm a nonsmoker, vegetarian, and I excercise well...not regularly but every once in a while :) There are no male factor issues, I tell Brad often that he has rockstar sperm. So I just always assumed that if I could ovulate I would just get pregnant. I was telling Brad this last ngiht and he assumed the exact opposite. He said that he assumed that this wouldn't work and that it was just a formality for us to do before IVF. I thought that was interesting since we hadn't really talked about it. So, I may either be very disappointed or Brad my be very surprised. Let's hope it's the latter.

One bit of good news I received today is that my Follistim and HCG might be covered by insurance. I am scared to be too optimistic, so I won't get my hopes up but it looks like they were tentaively approved. I have been operating off of the assumption that they wouldn't be approved, so I am pretty surprised and happy. I will know in a few days whether they are or not and what my co-pay will be but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Also, I went to a birthday dinner for a friend with a 9 month old, the same age our baby would be if we had gotten pregnant right away. In fact, there were 2 babies there. I was surprised by how little it bothered my. In fact, I held them both (which would make the 3rd and 4th times that I have ever held a baby in my life) and it went relatively smoothly. I think I am colored by my optimism over this cycle. I hope it doesn't let me down!! I should be starting stims in a little over a week!

Well that was quick

I swear the fastest way to completely change my plans, is to post them in my blog! I was doing some more research yesterday and found that there were several women who didn't have their IUIs until CD 17 or even into CD 20 or longer. Well that freaked me out because I didn't leave enough time in the original plan to stim for that long before vacation. So Brad and I decided that we'd better get this show on the road. I called my nurse and I will be starting Provera tonight. I will go in for an injectible class on Thursday and I will start my stims right around the end of the month. If I stim quickly I could have the IUI as early as May 8th-ish or I could have it much later depending on how I respond. Whatever happens I just hope that I dont' over-respond, since that is the main concern with me. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. I wish I could stop being such a planner, I make myself crazy. But, I am so excited to be moving forward!

One week...

One more week and I can finally start the provera to get AF going. Once I start that I will consider the cycle officially underway. I can't wait! I am feeling so positive that this is going to work, but I am also trying not to get my hopes up. Even if it doesn't work, it will be nice just to ovulate for once! I have been thinking a lot about getting pregnant and I am so excited but I am also a bit terrified. I know that this is what I have wanted for a long time but the idea of giving birth and then parenting a child is so scary to me. I haven't always had the best luck with having good role models in my life, and I am a little scared that I won't be able to live up to my own expectations...I know that this is normal and that this will pass. I also know that I am putting the cart before the horse, so to speak, since I am not even starting to cycle, but the closer I get the more the thoughts are creeping in. By this time next month I will be anxiously awaiting my IUI. If I am neurotic now I can't even imagine how I will act then! Poor Brad...

I finally have concrete news!

I mean, as concrete as things ever seem to get for me. I spoke with my nurse today and she said that I was good to start Provera whenever I'm ready, I just need to come in for bloodwork the day before I want to start it. So, I am trying to work around DH's work travel schedule, and am planning on going in on 4/20 and starting the Provera 4/21. Then I will begin Follistim and have an HcG shot to trigger. The nurse is going to call in the meds for me so that my insurance can begin the pre-approval process. I am so so excited because I have real information now. I feel like something is officially happening, which is great because ever since my father in law found out that DH and I are trying and having IF problems he is always asking us if we have news and what's going on. I have seriously never seen a grown man so interested in female reproduction :) My sister in law told me that after he found out that we were trying he was so excited that it was all he talked about that night. I really hope that we get PG sometime soon because I can't wait to see the look on his face. Plus, there's my mother, who has specially requested that the baby share her birthday...sure mom, no problem, let me just talk to my ovaries about that. All in all I am glad that we have parents to support us, I think it would be too difficult without them.

So anyways, that's what's going on right now...hopefully insurance approves my meds. If there's anything I've learned from IF, it's that insurance companies suck.

Oh yeah and an update about my NCAA brackets. This is how well I did, my final four were Wake Forest, Pitt, UNC, and Memphis with Pitt and Memphis in the finals and Memphis winning. Well, Wake lost in the first round and Memphis was the next to fall, then Pitt. UNC was still in last I checked but I think its pretty safe to say that I didn't win the pool :)

Super Excited!

So Brad and I met with out RE yesterday thinking that we were having an IVF consult and then we ended up somewhere else entirely! My RE had previously said that I probably wasn't a good candidate for IUI with injecible medication because I would probably over-respond and end up with a cancelled cycle. However, he seemed to be a lot more positive this time (maybe because he had some med records that he didn't have last time, or maybe because we'd had a lot of bloodwork in the meantime). He said it was up to us but that we can do an IUI with the lowest level of follistim (50 ius I think) and try that to see how I respond. He did caution me that my cycle could still be cancelled if I over-respond. Since we were going to try to do IVF in June, we want to work this IUI in immediately so that it doesn't push us back. I really hope this works and I am really hopeful. I will start Provera tomorrow to bring on AF and then it's on!

I have already begun thinking about things like: If I start Provery tomorrow, I should get AF on March 15th; that means I can start stims March 17th and if I stim for 7 days (I am assuming I will be a quick responder) then I would trigger on the 24th and have my IUI on the 25th. That would make my EDD about a week before Christmas! I know that this is kind of silly, since I am thinking about step 100 and we are on step 1, but this is the first time I have felt truely hopeful.

One thing that I am worried about is that Brad and I have a vacation planned for 2 weeks at the end of May. I would be around 11 weeks at the start of the vacation so I might not feel the best but I think I can do it! Besides, if the IUI doesn't work then I will really need a vacation anyways :) I am trying not to get ahead of myself, but I am so excited. I just hope that i am not setting myself up for a fall...